What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
