ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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