Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do herpes really smell.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize