thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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