Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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