Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
