he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
