guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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