Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
