What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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