i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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