I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
