dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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