the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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