tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
