just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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