FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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