He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
