I think im going to throw up on grandma
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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