me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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