Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
