Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
