Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
