I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i will never coherently bang her
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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