a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize