hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
