She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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