I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
