New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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