even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
