I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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