If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
