I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize