she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
