fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
