Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize