Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
