he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
