i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
