Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
