i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
