Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
