I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize