obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
