dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
