hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
