Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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