the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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