I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
