Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
