White coat. Heels.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
