Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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