I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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