Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize