How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
