The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Terrible idea I love it
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