I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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