Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
