A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
