It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
