yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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