I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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