When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
