Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We are two peas in an std pod
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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