You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
