It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
