I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
