I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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