Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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