So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
