i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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