I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
