i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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