Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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