You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
