It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
