Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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