look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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