She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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