When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
