Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw

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(720): View more from Colorado

its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it

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(514): View more from Quebec

you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today

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(972): View more from Texas

My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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(513): View more from Ohio

wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

(1-513): View more from Ohio

how could i say no?

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(775): View more from Nevada

Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...

(1-775): View more from Nevada

That's what friends are foooooooor!

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.

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